Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Many things had happened.. Things have become clearer.. These set me thinking why people love leaving my life when i thought it was the best.
I used to have godparents when i was young but they abandon me. Many years later, i had godparents again but now it seems to have no difference. It seems to be just a name or for someone to stand in on that day for a few hours.
Since tuition when i knew there was such thing as tuition, i was being discriminated till the day i leave. WHY? because i'm not as smart so the other poeple, i'm not as smart as my cousin. Every week without fail, i was made to stand up and being scolded for being stupid and that i will enter Normal stream. In secondary sch i scored well, came in top 10 every year. Came in first for maths.. but things was still the same. WHY? because i was in Normal stream.
Close relatives did not like me. WHY? because i do not bootlick like some other poeple do. I'm not as smart as them. Since young i've been compared to them until this age. Why are you not working part time and studying at the same time? Are you going to waste your time at home during this period? Why can't you write in shorthand? Why can't you do this why can't you do that? Why can't you be independent? HELLO!!! I take the MRT to school all by myself since Primary 5 while poeple have parents fetching them to and fro from school and tuition.
In sec sch, i did not have many friends. Had fall outs and patch back moments. Before graduation we promise we will meet always. But I can't club can't stay out late, thus i'm left out.
In private school, it was the lonest moment of my life. No friends to talk to, no friends to hang out with.
In choir four years ago, the best moment of my life was also the worst moment of my life. I thought many poeple dote and love me. but all these were taken away from me by the hands of one person. Because of her, i did many things. and now what lingers in me is the fear of meeting new poeple. But thankfully, i've got what i've lost. And they love me lots.
In poly, i had the best moment. Met a group of great classmates, spent the three years with many poeple around me. But after graduation, all of us left our own ways. Time to meet up got lesser. Guys went into NS, girls had their boyfriends with them.
In uni, i was reluctant to go for freshmen orientation. but i was talked into going. I've met a branch of good friends. but slowly, as time passes, the many were left to 4.. i was thought i've met someone who i could talk to whenever things happens. but that person is long gone. the promises have gone down the drain. i've cried home and to sleep because of them.. i've to pretend that everything is cool in front of them.
At times like these when i need someone, i do not know who to call or who to talk to. Many have said 'talk to me when u are down' but do they really mean it? I'm tired of being alone. All i want is someone to dote on me to love me.. At home i'm always in my room, when we are out i walk alone. i face no one but the air. how long more can i handle all these loniness? how precious am i?
-geri :) ;
